S01E02: The Roast of Todd Padre with Librarian Harriet Splooge (Mary Holland)
Synopsis Todd gets roasted by his ex-wife’s handsome new high school boyfriend. Mr. Levi's disagrees with handicap parking, and gives skateboarding a try. We play another one of Mr Padre’s fun word games, and are joined by school librarian Harriet Splooge (Mary Holland). She discusses her failed book fair, making reading sexy again, and the theme for the rapidly approaching prom. 'Notes' 'Bill Cravy' *INPUT TEXT 'Howard Levi's' *INPUT TEXT 'Todd Padre' *INPUT TEXT 'Sam Weatherman' *Sam has a gym membership which he is “paying through the nose for” but struggles to ever actually feel the benefit of. Sam got what’s known as ‘the bad deal’ from the gym; this is a membership which is extremely expensive but, if adhered to, will get you in the best shape of your life. The bad deal is for people “they see coming”. *Sam crashed his car in to the pole at the gym, then walked in and said “I need help”. He was badly hurt but the receptionist refused to call an ambulance until he had signed up for gym membership (this is not the first time someone has refused to call an ambulance for Sam). The bad deal is $200 per month (Bill goes to the same gym and pays $34 a month as he got the ‘good deal’) and you get full access and help with anything you ask for; however, this is predicated on the fact that they don’t expect members to ever come to the gym. Sam is signed up for a contact that runs for four years and compounds interest monthly; by the end of next year the contract will be $450 per month. As part of the deal, he is also forced to use the worst machines available, typically just an old, grounded exercise bike. He is also forced to eat quesadillas whilst working out and, in fact, has put on 5lbs. Harriet Splooge *INPUT TEXT 'General' *Todd and Sam both spent the night on the pull-out couch in the Teacher’s Lounge. Sam had intended to spend the night alone but Todd showed up and Mr. Weatherman couldn’t resist the prospect of a little bit of extra warmth in bed. In a somewhat unconventional sleeping style, both teachers rolled in to the middle and were sandwiched by the futon when it folded up and closed in on them, remarkably with the cushions still on it. Sam remarks that “It started out being scary but ended up being a fun little thing. We called it a Todd Taco”. Todd was wrapped around Sam like a soft flour tortilla and Mr. Weatherman was inside like meat, sour cream and lettuce. *Mr. Agafian, the World History Teacher, has invited all students to the Greek Salad festival at the weekend. Students who wish to attend should drop off a jar of olives with their name on it at his office. The olives will be donated to poor Greek families around Hamilton (Grexit has caused a massive price hike in olives, hitting poor Mediterranean families hard). *The results of the ballot to change the school mascot have been tallied and the write-in winner, with 604 votes, is ‘This Is Gay’. Todd is enraged by the result and believes that “It’s beginning offensive and can only get worse”. Mr. Weatherman isn’t happy about the result, but is pleased about the level of engagement shown by the students which has led to this surprise victory. Todd decides to flip the result on its head and use the result to depict a gay character as an aspirational figure who is a “buff, cool guy” with a tattoo and a bleach-tipped fauxhawk 'Segments' *INPUT TEXT Characters Mentioned *Mr. Agafian *This Is Gay 'Quotes' “I know from experience that gay looks like a lot of different things. … We all know what a falcon looks like, or a tiger, or a Spartan. No-one knows what gay looks like. It could be anything.” - Todd Padre “Getting screwed over a fence is just the worst.” - Sam Weatherman * Next episode * Previous episode * Back to Season 1